Adventures in night weaning part 1

Before I had a baby, I had some fairly fixed ideas about parenting. Most of them came from my mum. After all, she did a bang-up job on us.

Then I had a baby, and I found that implementing those ideas wasn't working, so I started doing some research. This led to some new, fairly fixed ideas.

Then the baby kept growing and changing, and I found my final fixed idea... nothing is fixed in babyland! The road to sleep deprivation and insanity is paved with unrealistic expectatations, and sometimes you have to do something you said you never would in order to keep your head from exploding and the bailiffs from the door.

So... we are night weaning Bundle.

I know, I know, I said I was going to be completely baby-led and continue to give her whatever she needed until the time she didn't need it any more. But in this case, I've decided that I know better than her what she needs. And a 16-month-old toddler doesn't need to feed every 3 hours. On the other hand, I NEED SOME SLEEP!

We're implementing the Jay Gordon method of night-weaning while co-sleeping. Only we don't co-sleep, so for the duration I'm sleeping on a foam mattress on the floor of Bundle's room. No it's not comfortable, thanks for asking.

Now, I'm not a fan of some of what Dr Gordon, says, mostly his stance on vaccinations (he thinks they're good but advises parents to ignore the government schedule and wait a while). However, he says a lot of good stuff about breastfeeding, co-sleeping and babywearing, so I think he knows what he's talking about. And his position is that an old-enough child who is loved, cared for, securely attached and not left to cry alone, can stand to have night feeds withdrawn as long as they are replaced by plenty of cuddles and as long as it is explained.

I never thought I would night wean. I thought I would wait for Bundle to sort herself out and start magically sleeping through. But three things changed my mind:

• I can't cope any more. I'm making mistakes at work. I'm forgetting things. I'm crying over spilt milk. I need to have more than 2 hours' consecutive sleep.
• We would like to have another baby, but nature's contraception is working just fine thanks. I'm hoping that if we have longer stretches at night without feeding, the decorators will return. I'm also hoping I might have enough energy to actually do the necessary deed.
• It was brought home to me rather suddenly the other day that Bundle understands more language than I thought she does. I suggested that she put her clean nappy away in the drawer. She did. I fell over. So the concepts of "milk finished" and "later" and "lie down and go back to sleep" are probably not beyond her.

I'm also being realistic, and there are three things I don't expect:

• I don't expect her to start sleeping through. I know she may continue to wake, but at least I'll be able to jobshare it with my husband.
• I don't expect her to like it. She's in the habit of feeding in the night, to the extent that she feeds less in the day. This will take some adjustment. But babies respond quickly to changes in routine if they are implemented consistently.
• I don't expect it to be easy. 

So we're doing it, and last night was night 5. We had four nights of feeding for a bit but not to sleep, which involves breaking the latch when she starts to slow down, and saying "milk finished, go back to sleep". It was pretty successful for three nights, but the fourth involved a lot of screaming. I don't know why. I wonder if she was in some tummy pain, as she went three days without pooing, but who knows? As I keep telling her, learn to talk and tell me what's wrong!

Last night was no milk at all between 11.30 and 6.30 (our chosen 7 hours of sleep). I actually fed her when she woke at 6.15, which I think was reasonable, given that she'd been screaming on and off since about 3am. I now understand why Dr Gordon says you can only do this if you are fully signed up to it. The temptation to just give in and feed was huge. The worry that I'm harming her, that she'll never forgive me, that I'm doing something awful, is horrendous. But I have to believe that her having a 3-hour tantrum about withdrawal of milk is not harmful as long as I'm right next to her, singing to her, stroking her, cuddling her when she'll let me. I have to believe that. 

I also have to believe that tonight will be easier.